How To Detect Whether You Are Getting Rectally Penetrated

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The world has become a very upsetting place.

There’s climate change, there’s below-inflation wage growth in non-executive positions, there’s militant veganism, there’s over-proliferation of cafeinated high-sugar high-acidity beverages in the modern consumerist society, there’s kids trapped in caves, kids in detention, kids not getting vaccinated, vaccines getting overtaken by superviruses, idiot drivers overtaking semis on the highway and getting totalled resulting in three-hour traffic jams, and pants that for some reason accentuate the asscrack as a part of their design.

Upsetting news reaches their audience very easily nowadays, and consequently there are a lot of upset people everywhere. In this atmosphere of low-level chaos, it is very easy to get unwittingly analled.

For example, some guy said something on TV and now you are upset, Then, some kids get stuck in some cave and now you are upset, then Iron Man showed up to save them in a phallic submarine and you are happy.

There is no discernable difference in the presentation of these fun, interactive events and collapsing ice shelves – after all, they all happen somewhere far away, unable to effect your life in any way.

And of course, there is no real difference, surely, between being upset about some orange dudes lying to people, and freshly revised tax laws in your own that furthers the wage growth gap between high and low income earners.

Since you are equally upset about these events they must be equivalents: kids trapped in a cave = bye iceshelf = me upset, some guy being rude = stilted tax rules = me angry.

Sure, except one anals you and one doesn’t.

Unsuspecting rectal penetration becomes a lot easier to detect when you diligently decide what to be upset about. Foreign kids in a cave? eh. Illegal immigrant kids? eh, not really. But why not really? Because your own kids, currently, cannot afford a quality education, and as a result you really don’t have to energy to worry about other peoples’ kids, so you just do some moral posturing and get on with it.

Upsetting, isn’t it, to not genuinely care about tens of thousands of displaced children? You will find that, once you are no longer being analed by a hyper-inflated for-profits education system that aims to make money instead of properly educate your own children, you are much more likely to care about other peoples’ kids.

So please, identify what’s analling you and let the rest go…for now. Get that unwanted phallus out of your ass first, be upset about Kylie Jenner not having a billion dollars later.

 

 

 

 

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